Reunited and It Feels So Good

Wow it's been a while.

And naturally, A LOT has changed since my last post.

I've thought a lot recently about posting again. I think what was holding me back is that this blog really became a place where I vented and healed. And I wasn't quite sure how to come back and just pick up in a totally different place and frame of mind.

The truth is, I am still not sure.

So I have decided to treat it as if I would treat a friend I lost touch with...

A quick update and then move forward.

So here goes:

February, March, April - I didn't chart, no OPKs, no CBEFM, nothing, nada.....and that's exactly what happened.

NOTHING.

And in April I finally reached my breaking point. I was quickly approaching the one year mark of my pregnancy and the miscarriage.

So, I finally made an appointment with an RE, despite the recommendation of my Dr.

They did some testing.

Determined I have PCOS.

I cried.

I took some clomid.

Went to Florida in May in an attempt to distract myself from the anniversary of the miscarriage.

And BAM

I got PREGNANT.

That's right folks. I am pregnant, like right now.

15 weeks to be exact.

I know, I dont want to blow your mind anymore, so for now...I am going to work on giving this blog a much needed make over, and I will be back soon with a belly pic maybe....

Crazy shit, right?

Time for a Makeover

It is high time this blog got a makeover. I am thinking about making the move over to wordpress, but for now, I will be here.

I am sure you've noticed I haven't been posting much. The truth is that there is not much more to say about TTC, miscarriage, and infertility right now.



In fact, I am focusing on other things right now in my life. Things that are happy and cheery and most importantly things that I have control over.

And of course I will be sharing them with you!

I am off to my first quilting class today.

Mr. Rootbeer bought me a sewing machine for my birthday last month. And I was bursting at the seams (pun intended) to learn how to use it. So, I signed up for a quilting class.

Which starts today!

So far I have successfully finished two projects: a shower curtain and a kitchen wetbag. More to come on those later.

Stay tuned faithful readers...

Clomid Day 5

So I guess I will stop counting down the days until I stop sweating like a whore in church, since Krista waltzed in here and rained all over my "I'm almost done feeling like this" parade.

But it's really ok people.

I will live.

And now the fun starts.

FUN = peeing on sticks (the opk kind of course.)

Clomid Day 4

One more day of this shit.

I went to a lunch meeting today with some colleagues.

It was lovely.

I purposefully wore a light sweater due to my perspiration issues.

All of the sudden, I felt a heat wave coming over me. My cheeks and ears were FLAMING. And I was in the middle of a sentence.

And next thing I knew, I had tears in my eyes...

WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Thankfully noone really noticed.

Also, Mr. Rootbeer and I had a really great talk last night.

I am so very lucky to have him.

I am craaazay.

Again...blame the clomid. :P

Clomid Day 3

I shouldn't be complaining about the clomid.

It really isn't that bad.

I have been through a lot worse this past year.

Which makes me wonder...why am I complaining about it?

I should be happy to take it. Cramps, bloating, headaches, and profuse sweating are worth having a baby. Right?

The truth is I'm scared.

Scared it won't work.

Scared it will.

Scared of the effect that this is having on my marriage.

In some senses I know that the journey we have traveled in the last year has bonded us. Bonded us beyond what I believe the average couple reaches in their first year of marriage.

In another sense it has also torn us apart.

I used to feel like Mr. Rootbeer got me. Ya know?

Like he was the only one who really understood me.

And now, even though we are united by the greif and disappointment of the past, I feel alone.

Alone in a way I have never felt before.

I just want it to all go back to the way it was before.

Sometimes I think about giving up. Saying fuck it. Going back on the pill.

But I don't think that would help.

Our only choice is to keep pushing forward and trust that God has a plan for us.

Sorry I am such a debbie downer today...blame it on the clomid.

Clomid Day 2

I have to tell you, I didn't think I would have any side effects the first day....boy, was I wrong.

HOLY HOT FLASHES.

It didn't really hit me until I got into bed and snuggled up against Mr. Rootbeer. I wore the usual to bed, one of Mr. R's t-shirts, and I got under the covers and fell asleep.

About 5 minutes later I was awakened by the fact that my entire body felt like it was ON FIRE.

Like I had a fever.

So, I ripped the covers off and fell back asleep. I did not wake up again until 6:00 am this morning only to find myself SOAKING.FUCKING.WET.

hair - WET.

t-shirt - WET.

top of the comforter - WET.

I am sure you find this as disgusting as I do.

And, of course, I showered before bed last night.

Soooooo, I was late to work. And it's Monday.

GRRRRRRRRRR

I'm cranky today.

Clomid Day 1

OK internets. I know you're all prolly pissed. I apologize for not updating sooner, but the truth is that I had this great post in the works about my very first trip to Whole Foods, and how AF finally came, and how Dr. JustRelax gave me clomid for my birthday. But blogger lost it.

So, don't be mad at me. Be mad at blogger.

Anyway, so yeah. Dr. JustRelax stepped up his game. I called him on Tuesday to let him know that I was finally bleeding and he wrote me a prescription for clomid.

Crazy shit huh?

So, here I am...sitting on my new comfy couch, staring at the little pill sitting in front of me.

The plan is to do chart and use OPK's this cycle. But, I was supposed to start temping already, and so far that has been a HUGE FAIL.

I will start tomorrow. (probably not, I suck.)

But I will NOT be using the devil CBEFM.

Wish me luck, internets.