I shouldn't be complaining about the clomid.
It really isn't that bad.
I have been through a lot worse this past year.
Which makes me wonder...why am I complaining about it?
I should be happy to take it. Cramps, bloating, headaches, and profuse sweating are worth having a baby. Right?
The truth is I'm scared.
Scared it won't work.
Scared it will.
Scared of the effect that this is having on my marriage.
In some senses I know that the journey we have traveled in the last year has bonded us. Bonded us beyond what I believe the average couple reaches in their first year of marriage.
In another sense it has also torn us apart.
I used to feel like Mr. Rootbeer got me. Ya know?
Like he was the only one who really understood me.
And now, even though we are united by the greif and disappointment of the past, I feel alone.
Alone in a way I have never felt before.
I just want it to all go back to the way it was before.
Sometimes I think about giving up. Saying fuck it. Going back on the pill.
But I don't think that would help.
Our only choice is to keep pushing forward and trust that God has a plan for us.
Sorry I am such a debbie downer today...blame it on the clomid.
Clomid makes you think some really whacked out things. (and yea, can make you a little crazy but lets refrain from going all cajunchick crazy shall we?)
ReplyDeleteWhile he may not "get" the clomid you, I'm sure he GETS whats going on and is fully supportive. He wants this too. DH and I have talked about this since I've been off Clomid. He has NO idea what goes on in my body when I'm on all the drugs, but he understands I'm doing it for our future and for a family we both so desperately want. He tries to be a little more understanding and doesn't take my barbs and snaps at him personally. He knows its frustrating and uncomfortable for me to lose sleep, puke and sweat everywhere. He does GET it, but just feels helpless.
Give yourself time, feel your emotions and just know, that while Mr. doesn't understand, he does want this with you and WILL absolutely stand by your side through this!
If you need to talk, I'm here. (and Next month I'll be back on the Clomid train too, so I'm probably more sympathetic and lucid this month..LOL)