Accomplishment

I did not cry once today. This is BIG. I have cried at least once a day since losing Baby Rootbeer. Granted, there are still 3.75 hours left in the day, however, I think I can make it. I am healing and finally getting back into a "normal" routine.

I went to see a shrink yesterday. I call her that because I don't know what else to call her. I went because my parents wanted me too. I am not one to do things because others want me to, but I secretly thought it was a decent idea. She was very nice, she asked me a lot of questions, and she said some things that make a ton of sense. I am going back next week. I think she can help me get to a place mentally where I am ready to try to get pregnant again.

I have learned that everyone deals with pregnancy loss differently. Some can't wait to try again, and some need to take time before they can even fathom the idea of being pregnant again. I fall somewhere in the middle of the two. Of course I want to get pregnant again. I yearn to be a momma more than I ever thought possible. But at the same time, I am scared. Scared of pregnancy, scared of ultrasounds, but most of all scared of losing another one. Many women go on to have success after a miscarriage, and many miscarry again. I need to be prepared for whatever hand life is going to deal me next. It is entirely possible that my feelings on this will change as soon as my period shows up. That's when we officially have the green light from the Dr. But for now, I am concentrating on making myself as strong as possible. Physically and emotionally. I am concentrating on making my marriage as strong as possible. And I am enjoying as much of life as possible.

Life can be so funny. It can be so good but yet so bad at the very same moment. As hard as that can be sometimes, it is also amazing. Because in our darkest hours, there is still something positive to focus on, even if we cannot see it at the moment. I have an incredible husband, who adores me.