It has been 8 weeks since the D&C. I feel so much better than last week. I am almost afraid to type those words. Everytime I think that I am finally doing better, I regress. Everytime I feel accomplished for taking 5 steps forward, I take 2 back. I know this is "normal"...there's that word again. I understand this is a natural step in the process of grieving. Anywho, I am feeling good this week, and I attribute this to two things. One being that this cycle is almost over and we are getting closer to TTC again every day. The other being how much I have accomplished in terms of my house being organized and clean thanks to the FLYlady.
I am excited and scared to death of TTC again at the same time. I want to get pregnant again. I cannot wait to feel tired, bloated, and nauseous all over again, as long as it leads to a healthy baby. But at the same time I am scared. Scared of another miscarriage. Scared it will take another 6 cycles to even get pregnant again. Scared that when I do get pregnant I will be a nervous wreck and not be able to enjoy it. Some of this I have control over. I need to be patient and let things happen. I truly believe we will have our baby soon. And when I am pregnant again, I need to just enjoy every day for what it is. A blessing.
One Step at a Time, even if they are backwards, just keeping moving.
ReplyDeleteDragonfly's are a symbol of rebirth and renewal of spirit in many cultures. I wish for you many Dragonflies to keep you strong and center yourself. Whenever you seem down, may you see this image and know that your spirit is strong.
One day at a time is the best that any of us can do... Remember that you are blessed now with so much, try to focus on those gifts in your life and the rest will follow :)
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. It looks like this post was a while ago and that happy news has followed. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for bringing attention to the topic of miscarriage. After my own experiences I needed to believe that the world was different in a positive way because of the losses. I was driven to create something that would not have existed had I not miscarried. A filmmaker by trade, what resulted is a ten-minute short film The House I Keep, about a woman who struggles to come to terms with the loss of her baby through miscarriage. A relentless war between her internal and external life has plagued her recovery until she stumbles upon a curious symbol of hope that helps lead her back to peace.
After screenings of The House I Keep, I have been overwhelmed by the heartbreaking stories of miscarriage that women have felt compelled to share. These gatherings became transformative. Discussing the film has provided an 'appropriate’ place to share their own stories. Their silence was broken and isolation bridged. My mission for the film is to improve the mental health of women and their families mourning miscarriage by providing an identifiable voice through the film. The film is a platform for discussion and understanding, and hence, an impetus for healing.
With the film now complete, and ready to premiere in 2011, we are doing everything we can to raise awareness about the topic of miscarriage and our film. Please visit our website at http://www.thehouseikeep.com for more detailed information about the film. If you like what you see, please join us on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-House-I-Keep/69409738707. Anything you can do to help us spread the word is, of course, very much appreciated!
Very best,
Jhene Erwin
Producer/Co-Director/Writer – The House I Keep